I like to think of myself as someone who can see clearly into the future. One day, who knows, I may be known as The Psychic Cruiser.

You might think it good to cruise with someone like me, comforting to know a person with my abilities is close at hand. But I have to tell you most people don’t like psychic cruisers. They find them irritating.

Sometimes other cruisers get so annoyed they say to me, “For crying out loud can you stop being psychic for five minutes. Just relax and enjoy the flaming cruise.”

To which I tend to reply, “I knew you were going to say that.”

Blessing or curse

And of course that makes them even more cross. Sometimes being psychic on a cruise can be more of a curse than a blessing.

But, you see, I don’t have a choice.

Just as some folk can’t help being musical or accident-prone, I can’t help being a bit clairvoyant. It’s as though things that are about to happen are being played out on a giant screen right in front of me.

And when I know what’s coming, I feel I have to share it with those around me.

In the cinema

Talking of giant screens, one of the worst places for a psychic cruiser is in the ship’s cinema. When I see people sitting in front of me getting anxious about the fate of the hero in a movie, I just have to tap them on the shoulder and set their minds at ease.

I like to explain how the film ends and why there’s no cause for concern. Sometimes I shout it out loud so everyone in the audience can be reassured.

Some people have suggested my ability to do this owes nothing to psychic powers, and everything to the fact that I’ve seen the movie before. This is sometimes true, but if I enjoy a movie, can I help it, if I want to see it again.

In the casino

But if I had to pick the worst place for a psychic cruiser like me, I’d say it would probably be in a ship’s casino.

It’s amazing how innocent observations made in a spirit of goodwill almost never go down well when people are gambling at sea.

It seems nobody wants a stranger telling them after the fact, “I knew that would be a bad move.”

Professional help

Someone once recommended I seek professional help about my compulsion to tell people what I think is about to happen.

I even booked an appointment with a top counsellor, but then I cancelled.

The trouble was I could see he wouldn’t be able to help me.

Stage show

Another time I was going to do a stage show based on my psychic abilities.

They’d booked me for one night on a mini cruise, billing me as ‘Mr 100 Per Cent Psychic’, the man who could predict the unpredictable and foretell the unforetellable.

Sadly I had to pull out due to unexpected circumstances.

No special ability needed

But don’t let my bad experiences as a psychic put you off the idea of a cruise.

The truth is when you go cruising, you don’t need any special ability to read the future. From the moment you embark, you are pretty much assured of what’s going to happen.

Of course there’ll be a few pleasant surprises along the way, but for everything else, someone like me is simply not needed.

Take it from me

You know you’re going to have a rewarding time, interact with interesting people, set foot in fascinating places and get caught up in all kinds of entertaining adventures.

Take it from The Psychic Cruiser. That’s the way cruising is and always will be.

Bruce Beckett

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