It is legendary the relaxation to be found on a good cruise ship.
Nothing to worry about except having fun, but I suspect that combined with the obvious de-stressing that is so much part of a good holiday, there are sometimes ulterior motives for being on board.
When I was on a cruise last year I spoke to a wonderful wealthy widow who was almost constantly on the ship. She was beautifully looked after and knew all the staff, who treated her like a true princess. She had just come back from a round the world voyage and was off again on another. It was not until I returned home that I thought that maybe it was a good tax advantage too. Tax is often charged based on where the individual lives and a person with no fixed abode may float beyond the reach of any tax inspector.
But not completely beyond the long arm of the law, as the infamous Dr Crippen discovered. His cruise was intended as a one way trip to Canada, and together with his lover, who was dressed as a boy, he fled the police who were hot on his trail from London.
The suspicion was that he had murdered his wife, and he didn’t propose to wait around for the investigation to reach its conclusion. Sadly for the doctor, the new technology of wireless transmission was used for the first time in a criminal case. The Captain sent a telegram to the British authorities believing that the escaping fugitive was on board:
“Have strong suspicions that Crippen London cellar murderer and accomplice are among saloon passengers. Moustache taken off growing beard. Accomplice dressed as boy. Manner and build undoubtedly a girl.”
This lead to an order being given for Crippen’s arrest as soon as got off the ship and set foot in Canada and from there he was returned to England for trial and execution!
Then I wondered about the original term “cruising”, which according to the dictionary means to make sexual overtures to; attempt to arouse the sexual interest of.
This dates from the time when it is was illegal in most countries to be gay. So finding a partner on a ship was an obvious solution to an almost impossible problem – but of course only if you could afford this rather expensive way of matchmaking!
And what may be ideal for allowing two to tango may also provide the solution to a problem when you have to satisfy multiple guests, as President Putin discovered in 2003. His task was to throw a suitable party to celebrate the three-hundredth anniversary of his hometown, St Petersburg, whilst at the same time ensuring that all forty-six Heads of State and other VIPs were treated not merely in the manner to which they were accustomed, but also comparably.
The city’s hotels were unequal to the task; not as regards numbers but because some leaders would inevitably compare their accommodation unfavourably to others. He didn’t want to risk the French President believing that he had been provided with less prestigious rooms or less appropriate service than the German chancellor or the UK Prime Minister.
So for three days in May 2003 all the heads of state and government, together with their ambassadors and ministers were housed on a cruise ship docked on the Neva River. There they could all be provided with similar presidential- style accommodation and service and a state dinner; and even sensitive souls like Chirac and Schroeder would be unable to take offence.
All of which goes to show that sometimes you can be stationary on a cruise ship and still be left with at least forty-six equally happy customers!
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