They say you are what you are when no one is looking.

And that many a hero is a man who didn’t have the courage to be a coward.

Not that this applies to Popeye the Sailor, E.C. Segar’s plucky super-strong character who asserts: ‘I yam what I yam an’ tha’s all I yam.’

This is usually followed by a couple of pheeps from the corncob pipe permanently fixed to the side of this spinach-muncher’s mouth.

Comical cruises

Another comic icon, Walt Disney’s Mickey Mouse, first went to sea in the cartoon Steamboat Willie in 1928, and sailed to global acclaim.

I believe Mickey has occasionally taken a sea cruise adventure since, at least in printed comics, sometimes with his Uncle Scrooge – who probably went steerage to save money.

Less well-known was Barnacle Bill the Sailor, who starred in Chips comic from 1930-1932, after which he got permanent shore leave. Bill often collided with crusty Captain Clump, and Bosun Ben, the mutinous bully of SS Neversink.

Probably the two oldest cartoon characters to star at sea were Pitch and Toss, saucy shipwrecked sailors who sailed into life in Comic Life in 1820. The pair of Merry Wanderers had lots of fun on board The Saucy Sal with Captain Codseye.

Pitching and tossing

They were almost certainly named after a simple coin game, known as Pitch and Toss in the UK (except Scotland, where it is still known as Pitchy) and the USA since at least the 18th century. It’s still played today, even on some cruise ships.

Earlier this week, Marvel’s web-slinging Ultimate Spider-Man was given a total revamp as a result of Spidey’s original alter-ego, Peter Parker, getting killed off by the Green Goblin in the comic’s June 2011 issue.

Spidey’s mantle and costume have now gone to a half-black, half-Hispanic New York teenage fictional character named Miles Morales. This rewriting of comic history was apparently done to introduce the comic world to a new bi-racial arachnid-human who is said to better represent the Big Apple’s diverse inhabitants.

It remains to be seen if the new Spider-Man will take a cruise to fight off giant denizens of the deep, or Somalian pirates.

Meanwhile, in the UK, there are now at least two real-life heroes patrolling the streets to fight crime.

Seriously!

Two for sea?

The ‘Dark Spartan’, a 27-year-old financial adviser and father of two, dresses up as a warrior from ancient Greece complete with black body armour, a black plumed helmet and an old police riot shield.

He’s often seen patrolling the streets of Torquay, but apparently not at the same time as the seaside town’s other suburban superhero, ‘Black Void’,

Black Void, who oddly enough works in a comic book shop, hides his identity behind a Spider-Man mask and uses a cane for protection like his Marvel comic hero, Daredevil (who’s blind…).

Despite months of looking for super villains to quell, the dazzling duo have now admitted that a local crime wave has yet to hit their shores.

As a number of ships now have well-known cartoon characters on board maybe a cruise line could adopt this British die-hard duo to protect their vessels in pirate waters. Or while they’re at sea just off Torquay.

Even better, isn’t it time to introduce a new hero of the seas – Super-Cruiser the Magical Mariner?

I can see him now, dressed in the livery of whichever cruise line sponsors him. Plus a cape, snorkel, wand and diving boots.

If he/she/it takes off (literally?!) then there’s the cartoon strip, the comic book, the animated TV series and the Hollywood franchise to look forward to…

Splat! Bam! Alakazam!!

James Leavey

Posted in Humour