As a cruise blogger I spend a lot of time reporting on the sights you’re likely to see as you sail the world’s oceans. And quite rightly so, because whether you’re at sea or ashore, what awaits you is a veritable feast for the eyes.
But let’s not forget the things you can hear on a cruise as well. By listening out for these sounds you can greatly heighten your whole holiday experience.
I make no apologies, therefore, for dedicating today’s blog to the auditory delights on offer to cruisers like you and me.
From the first moment we step on board, to that bittersweet point when we finally disembark, these delights are there to be savoured.
Listen carefully, because I believe these are the noises that tell us we’re on a cruise – the noises that remind us we are indulging in one of the most remarkable leisure activities available to humanity in the 21st century.
Here then, in no particular, order are some of the sounds you may want to keep an ear open for, along with an explanation of what they represent.
New York, New York
Yeah! – first-time transatlantic cruiser sailing into New York harbour and reacting excitedly to the iconic skyline.
Yeah! Yeah! – two first-time transatlantic cruisers sailing into New York harbour and reacting excitedly to the iconic skyline.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! – Beatles tribute band.
Yap, yap, yap – your pet West Highland Terrier, which you smuggled on board, because you couldn’t afford to pay his kennel fees, is getting restless.
Ouch, ouch, ouch – your efforts to stop him barking are being resisted.
Yap, ouch, yap, ouch – this could go on all night.
Bash, bash, bash – guy in the next cabin hammering on the wall, demands you stop this racket.
Bash, bash, bash – you respond in kind. No one tells you what to do.
Bang, bang, bang – two security officers are banging on your cabin door. They want to know why you have an illegal animal on board.
Wakey, wakey – your wife rouses you from your slumber. It’s amazing what unusual dreams you can have when you doze off in one of the ship’s public lounges.
Romance at sea
Ring, ring, ring – your mobile goes off while you’re attending an on board wedding ceremony.
Shoosh, shoosh, shoosh – other wedding guests tell you to stop the noise.
Ring, ring, ring – you can’t find the ruddy phone to turn it off.
Shoosh, shoosh, shoosh – now the bride’s father, best man and bridesmaids are in on the act.
Silence – you finally manage to switch the damn thing off.
For richer or poorer – the wedding ceremony is progressing nicely.
In sickness and in health – it’s all very romantic.
Till death do us part – everything is moving along extremely smoo—
Ring! Ring! Ring! – you can hear the anguish in the groom’s voice. He’s just realised he forgot to pack a vital piece of jewellery.
Buzz, buzz, buzz – the audience is buzzing with excitement before the start of the classical music concert. But something is bothering you.
Clap, clap, clap – the conductor steps onto the podium to loud applause. Something is still bothering you, but you can’t remember what it is.
Tap, tap, tap – the conductor taps the music stand and there’s a hush in the auditorium.
That’s it! – you shout out as memory returns. Before you left home, you forgot to turn off three taps.
Knock, knock, knock – the Assistant Cruise Director is outside your cabin door. He’s looking for volunteers to join the ship’s open-mike comedy contest. Foolishly, you agree to take part.
Knock-knock, knock-knock – you can hear your knees knocking as you mount the stage to begin your stand-up routine
Knock, knock, blast! – you can only remember the first two words of your ‘knock knock’ joke.
Squeaks, squawks and grunts
Needless to say, each cruise is different. I cannot guarantee you’ll hear all
these noises on your next vacation. But here’s one thing you can be sure of – when you return, your ears will be ringing with a whole variety of memorable sounds.
Everything from street noises and exotic foreign accents to the pleasing resonance of local folk music and the squeaks, squawks and grunts of indigenous wildlife. And let’s not forget the enthusiastic chatter and laughter of your fellow cruisers.
There’s no question about it. Cruising takes you beyond the visual into the realm of the audiovisual.
Sounds good to me.