For some people, especially if they make it their business to take the piste, winter is not a season, it’s an occupation.
The rest of us usually either love the cold, or hate it.
It all depends if you prefer warming up on a ski slope to cooling down on water skis.
Some of my thin-blooded friends go blue just at the thought of winter in Britain, which for them always seems to last too long.
It’s snow job for the wicked
‘It’s not unusual,’ as Tom Jones sang to the actress. ‘It comes in one year, and out the other.’
Then there are those jammy rich people who not only want their cake but expect to eat it.
Blimey! What a dilemma.
‘I fancy a winter holiday on a sunny desert island with a ski slope attached,’ they say. ‘Is this really too much to ask?’
Well, no, actually. But whether there’s enough weather on a desert island to provide enough packed snow for a seagull to slalom down to the ocean, is another story.
Snow Island or Isla Nevada in the South Shetlands is usually completely covered with ice. So is the sea around it. We can scratch that one off our list.
Allo, Allo, Aloha
The same goes for Snow Hill Island, which is almost completely snowcapped and lies off the east coast of the Antarctic Peninsula.
It’s one of several islands around the peninsula known as Graham Land, which is closer to South America than any other part of that continent. But not close enough for a bask on the cruise ship deck, which would have to be turned into an icebreaker to get you close to land.
Crete may not be a desert but it’s certainly a very interesting island that is well worth visiting.
Plus the winter in Crete’s mountains can be very cold with severe snowfalls. Up in Crete’s high summits, the snow often stays until late June. Scratch in a possible tick.
‘Aloha!’ I hear you cry, with a garland of flowers round your neck. ‘Does it snow in Hawaii?’
The surprising answer is yes. But the snow only hangs around for a few days a year at the very summits of Hawaii’s tallest volcanoes (Mauna Loa, Mauna Kea and Haleakala).
If these were still active maybe you could ski down their slopes to avoid the lava. What fun!
But you couldn’t ski on or near Mount Etna, although it’s often cool there in the summer. That said, it does occasionally snow in Sicily. Just not enough.
How about Madagascar?
Well, that tropical island in the Indian ocean has two seasons: hot and rainy from November to April; cool and dry from May to October.
Although hail falls on many of the higher areas of Madagascar there is usually no snowfall, alas, except on the Ankaratra massif where above 7,874 ft it may occasionally fall and remain for several days.
I suppose you could add this one to the ‘possibles’ list and check out if you can hire a helicopter via your cruise line.
But you’ll have to scratch off the chances of snow on a beach in the Caribbean, where the only place that could witness see the flutter of tiny white freezing flakes is on the highest mountain peak in the Dominican Republic.
Again, all you need is a helicopter. And high hopes.
Oddly enough, snow may fall almost anywhere in Greece in winter. But it’s rare in the islands and does not lie for long at sea level.
Sn..ice
Maybe the answer is to find a cruise ship with its own ski slope…
Which brings me to the recently announced launch of Iglucruise, a ship that will carry 1,219 passengers and feature a spectacular 150 metre open air ski slope on its top deck.
The slope is made from ‘Perma-Snow all-weather ski carpet’ (sic) and is serviced (as they say) by a button lift.
Ski and boot hire is included as part of the package cruise deal. There’s even an après-ski bar that will serve schnapps, gluhwein, croque-monsieur, rösti, and cheese raclette.
Or you can simply take a Pacific cruise to Santa Barbara in California where you can water ski in the sun or down the nearby mountains to your heart’s and legs’ content..
When you’re whistling down the Californian peak towards a dip in the Pacific briny (you’ll have to add roller skates to your skis to cross several fields, roads and pathways), think on this:
Each snowflake in an avalanche – pleads not guilty.
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