A growing number of families are taking a cruise. Not that some adult passengers would notice for, like me, they never grew up.

If you are a Peter Pan cruise-a-lot and suddenly aware that your fellow passengers are shorter and louder than usual – no, it’s not the Tom Cruise Fan Club taking its annual break.

Here’s a few revised nursery rhymes to sing, while you’re skipping round the deck:

Embarking on a cruise

I’m the King of the Union Castle,
Get off my ship, you dirty impoverished rascal.

Catching game

Round and round the cruise ship
Like a teddy bear;
One step, two step,
Tickle you under the lifeboat.

Playing with food

Pease pudding hot,
Pease pudding cold,
Pease pudding in the pot
Nine days old.
Some like it hot,
Some like it cold,
Some like it in a pot
On a fancy cruise ship’s restaurant that’s nine days old.

Cruise with your daddie,
My little laddie,
Cruise with your daddie,
My little lamb.
You shall eat a fishie,
On a little dishie,
You shall eat a fishie,
When the ship comes home.

Skip out of the bar, sonny

Ring-a-ring o’ cruise ships,
A packet made from cruise ships,
A-tishoo! A-tishoo!
They all fall down .
I blame the cocktails.

Let’s play sevens

Cruise them on Monday, you cruise them for health;
Cruise them on Tuesday, you cruise them for wealth;
Cruise them on Wednesday, you cruise them for news;
Cruise them on Thursday, for a pair of deck shoes;
Cruise them on Friday, you cruise them for sorrow;
Cruise them on Saturday, see your true love tomorrow;
Cruise them on Sunday, you cruise them from evil;
Cruise them for another week…Happy Days are here again!

Play safe

Three children sliding on a ship,
Upon a summer’s day.
As it fell out, they all fell in,
The rest they ran away.
So watch it!

Children should be seen and then forgotten

Speak when you’re spoken to,
Come for one call,
Shut the cabin door after you,
Turn to the wall.
If only the other children would do this I’d have a great time!

Leave the crew alone and go play with your friends

Eeny, meeny, miny, mo,
Catch a captain by his toe;
If he hollers, let him go;
Otherwise he’ll throw you over the side to the sharks.

Popeye the sailor-man,
Cruised in a caravan,
He played the pianner
For six and a tanner,
Popeye the sailor-man.
This is known as working your way round the world, you spoilt little brats!

Now play nicely. And skip off.

James Leavey

Posted in Humour