In my blog posts I’m forever raving about the joys of cruising and how this type of holiday has something for everyone. Well I’m sorry to say it, but I’ve been lying to you.
Having given the matter much thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that some people really aren’t cut out for cruising. This week I thought it would be helpful if I listed who they are.
Before I do that, however, let me make something clear. For most people cruising is a truly wonderful activity. If you haven’t already been on a cruise, there’s every reason why you should give it a try.
Now back to those who shouldn’t cruise. The people I’m talking about represent only a small section of the population, so the chances are you’re not on my list. But just to reassure yourself you might want to check out who is.
Rare condition
At the top of the list is anyone who suffers from the rare condition of thalassophobia. This means they have an intense and persistent fear of the sea.
For such people the mere sight of an ocean could induce a panic attack. In some cases it might not be the water itself that’s distressing them, but fear of unknown creatures lurking beneath the waves.
If you’re afflicted in this way, you’d be well advised to avoid cruising until your condition has been sorted out. The good news is that it’s treatable through relaxation techniques or psychological counselling.
Pain from pleasure
Some people simply hate to see others enjoying themselves. To be surrounded by people having fun could be deeply painful for them.
Even worse is the possibility they might be expected to join in.
I’m not sure what the treatment is for this problem, but if you know anyone like this, you might think twice before inviting them on a cruise
Professionals
Now we come to those who simply like to whinge a lot. They’re the professional complainers – the folk who draw great comfort from things going wrong and then spend a lot of time emoting about it.
Cruising definitely isn’t for them.
For such people a cruise can be an extremely uncomfortable and frustrating experience because there is rarely much to complain about
Xenophobes
You won’t be surprised to learn that anyone who hates foreigners will feel extremely out of place on a cruise.
Allowing for crew and passengers, as well as for all the locals one meets when ashore, a cruiser can expect to encounter significant numbers of people of different nationalities on a single holiday.
For most of us the fact that you can come into contact with such a diverse range of folk is actually one of cruising’s great attractions.
Trouble with uniforms
And let’s spare a thought for those who get a little too excited at the sight of men in uniform.
Be warned, if you suffer from this disability you may find cruising more than you can bear.
By all means ignore my advice and step aboard. But be prepared for palpitations and high blood pressure, and of course be sure to bring your medication.
Other types
Before I go, there are a few others who might want to reconsider their decision to cruise.
They include people who talk in a loud voice first thing in the morning, making it hard for me to focus on my scrambled eggs.
People who claim to have never picked up a tennis racquet in their lives and then proceed to beat the hell out of me on the courts.
People who don’t laugh at my jokes, when I’m holding court in the bar or, even worse, people who insist on talking over my punch lines.
Then there are those who tell much funnier jokes than mine. Actually, they’re the worst.
Tiny proportion
I could go on. But I think you get the picture.
For a tiny proportion of the general public, cruising could be an unwise choice. But for the rest of us it remains the best form of holiday making ever invented.
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