It’s just another week in the life of a Virgin Holidays Cruises blogger.

As I sit in my home office here in land-locked Surrey, dreaming about my next cruise, I’m aware my garden is abuzz with activity.

Outside the sparrows are twittering, while the chaffinches are busy logging into Facebook.

OK I lied about the chaffinches. Come to think of it I also lied about this being just another week.

Important milestone

Actually we’ve reached an important milestone in the history of these blogs because this week we are celebrating our first birthday.

A year ago my colleagues, James Leavey and Phil Davies, along with my predecessor Lucy Daltroff, embarked on the challenge of writing a series of weekly blogs on cruising. Between the four of us we’ve managed to generate more than 150 articles covering almost every conceivable aspect of this industry

And despite that there’s still much more to write about.

Laws of physics

On occasions like these it’s customary to look back on the year that’s just passed, all of which has got me thinking about the subject of time.

Why do we always travel forwards into the future? We grow up, we get a job, we retire, we watch Countdown. It never seems to happen the other way round.

But what if time started to move in the opposite direction? Scientists tell us that the laws of physics do allow for this to happen. So how would that affect life in general and cruising in particular?

Unexpected results

The answer is it would lead to all kinds of unexpected results.

Take something as harmless as the Sound of Music. In reverse it turns into a shocking film about a mother of seven gifted children who leads them into Nazi Austria only to abandon them so she can join a nunnery.

And then there’s the movie, Titanic. When run backwards it becomes the story of a wrecked ship that rises from the bottom of the ocean, repairs itself and heads back to dry land and safety.

Sounds like a positive storyline? You’re forgetting the heartbreaking ending when things cool between Leonardo and Kate and they eventually disembark as total strangers.

And don’t get me started on Santa Claus…

Unsettling

When it comes to cruising too, reversing the arrow of time can be just as unsettling.

First you tell your friends about the great cruise you’ve enjoyed and proudly show off all the exotic artefacts you’ve bought in distant lands.

Then you go on the cruise and find yourself having to hand them back one by one.

And what about your experiences in the ship’s casino? Maybe you find yourself staring in disbelief at the size of your winnings. Well don’t get too attached to them because pretty soon you’ll be giving them all back to the cashier.

Overindulging

It’s not all bad, of course. Overindulging in alcohol becomes far more civilised in reverse. You get the hangover out of the way first and then enjoy the experience of being merry.

And should you ever feel too healthy, too toned or too relaxed on your back-to-the-past cruise then the ship’s spa is the perfect place to go. They’ll soon sort you out.

But the real shock comes when you return from the cruise.

At first it seems great. A glance at your bank statement reveals that a sum of money equal to the price of the holiday has been deposited in your account.

Cruising adds more than it takes away

But before you can celebrate your new found wealth, you discover that all photos and video footage of your action-packed sea adventure have vanished, along with your tan and the address and phone number of the person you became romantically entangled with during the voyage.

In fact it’s a wonder you can even remember them, because most of your holiday memories have evaporated into thin air. And with them have gone all those great stories you were planning to tell about your escapades afloat and ashore.

None of this should come as any surprise. Going on a cruise adds far more to your life than it takes away. That means it can only really be enjoyed in one direction.

Take my advice. If you ever go on a sea cruise and discover the second hand on your watch is rotating anti-clockwise, you should seriously consider jumping ship.

Cruise holidays I would recommend

Meanwhile here are some superb cruise bargains where I can guarantee time runs in the normal direction, but time is also of the essence. In other words you’ll have to act quickly to take advantage of them:

• 7 Nights in Orlando & 7 Nights Caribbean cruise on the brand new Oasis of the Seas - Jan to Nov 2010. Experience the biggest ship in the world.
• 14 night Disney Mediterranean cruise including park tickets where the Kids cruise for FREE! Only May to September left - offer ends November 30th 2009
• 7 nights cruise to Tenerife, Gran Canaria, La Palma, Madeira, Morocco and Lanzarote - Nov & Dec 2009
• Various itineraries available on the brand new P&O Azura, including her Maiden Voyage on April 12, 2010
• 11 nights cruise to Dubai & the Emirates. 3 nights 5 star All Inclusive hotel & a cruise to Muscat, Fujairah, Abu Dhabi & Bahrain onboard the new Costa Luminosa or Costa Deliziosa. Available Jan to April 2010.
• 11 night Barbados Stay & Caribbean Cruise. 3 nights 3 star All Inclusive Hotel & 7 nights onboard the Carnival Victory visiting St. Lucia, St. Kitts, St. Maartin, San Juan, St. Thomas & Dominica. A great value itinerary with no days at sea.
• 11 nights cruise to Spain, Morocco and the Canaries - starts 8 December 2009
• 15 nights cruise and stay to Florida, St Thomas, Puerto Rico and Grand Turk - starts 8 December 2009
• 9 nights cruise and stay to Mexico and California – starts 15 January 2010
• 11 nights cruise and stay to Dubai, Muscat, Fujairah and Mina Sulman – starts 22 January 2010

Bruce Beckett

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