Shy? Introverted? Nervous with strangers? Find it hard to make friends on holiday?

Well, if you are really self-conscious and crap at socialising you could stay home and travel the world via your PC. But you’d be missing so much fun…especially on a cruise holiday.

‘Omigod, I’m trapped at sea on a ship with hundreds of total strangers…and that’s just the crew!’

Stop that.

It’s time to open up to new experiences….Not in a sexual way…Although if it all goes well you never know your luck.

Calm down and carry on

First things first, you’ve got to try and relax.

I said R-E-L-A-X!!!

That’s better. Now smile.

Wider.

W-i-d-e-r.

S-M-I-L-E!

Good. Calm down.

Now think on this:

Body language, on a cruise ship

The next time you go to some kind of social function – which may include shopping, speed-dating, funerals, examinations by qualified medical staff, or earning a living – you will notice that many people take on the same gestures, postures, intonation, voice inflection, speed of talking and even accent of the person with whom they are interacting.

This is known as monkey see, monkey do – or mirroring. It’s a non-verbal way of showing the other person that you just are the same as them. This mirroring is usually reassuring and helps create instant rapport between total strangers.

Just try not to sweat, or smile insanely, or smile knowingly, or pick your nose, or keep licking your lips and winking, or stroke the edge of a sharpened knife, while you are doing this.

And try not to do it in a confined place such as a public toilet or lift, especially if there are more than two of you in there at the time. For that third person – and maybe that second person – will think you are very strange and a possible danger to the ship’s security, and press the alarm button.

And there will probably be nobody else in the brig for you to get to know better.

Also, don’t start speaking faster than the other person you are talking to for they could feel pressured and that nebulous friendly link you’ve just created will be gone faster than you can say ‘Omigod! The lift’s stuck!! We’re all going to die!!!”

Conversely, if you don’t like the look of the other person just ignore them. That’s fine, for most strangers on a ship (and just about everywhere else) studiously avoid holding mirror positions.

Eating out – of your cabin

At some point during the cruise you may feel hungry enough to actually unlock the door of your cabin or stateroom and venture out to a public dining area.

That’s fine. Don’t forget to smile and nod at the other people, en route.

If you can manage it, say things like ‘Good morning/afternoon/evening/day’, preferably matching the words to the actual time you are saying this.

For those of you who hate arriving after everyone else, just get there early…preferably before everyone else. And then they can look self-conscious and embarrassed when they join you at the table.

The best place at a standard non-round table is a corner seat, which is more often used by passengers who are happy to be engaged in friendly casual chatting.

Sitting at a round table, like the one in King Arthur’s Court, is even better provided you’re next to someone you would really like to talk to.

If there’s someone you’d prefer to ignore, sit opposite them…hopefully besides someone you like.

This can get complicated but concentrating on the pitfalls of the best seat at dinner at sea will help take your mind off those nerves.

The Captain’s table

By the way, if you are invited to join the Captain at dinner he will probably decide where you sit. Please note that the Captain’s pet (rather like the teacher’s) usually sits to the Captain’s left.

If you’re on the opposite side of the round (or any other) table to the Captain, he probably can’t stand you.

Don’t let this freak you out.

Just try to get someone else to sit to your left.

If no one will sit to your left, or even your side of the table, and this really bothers you I suggest you complain of stomach pains and make a fast exit.

But do S-M-I-L-E as you go.

Now calm down, for things are never really as bad as you think they are going to be.

Well, not usually.

That’s better.

Now relax.

You’re among friends.

I’m one of them.

Have a nice cruise.

James Leavey

Posted in Advice, Humour