There’s an old English superstition that it’s very lucky to touch a sailor, especially his collar. Grab him anywhere else and he’ll probably touch you – for a tip.

And the best tip if you’re on a cruise with the love of your life on Valentine’s Day – is be prepared.

You’ll need a greetings card suitable for the object of your devotion, who from now on shall be referred to as the ‘beloved object’. If in doubt have two standbys: a romantic card and a humorous one. Slip the one you think is most suitable, anonymously, under the beloved object’s cabin door. If you’re both already sharing a cabin – why not place it under the pillow with the Viagra.

Hopefully yours will be the only card. Failing that, let’s hope yours is the winning entry to your beloved object’s affection.

Then you’ll need a red rose, a bottle of bubbly and two stem glasses. This is where you grab the steward’s attention and get him to help. Don’t forget you also want a table for two at dinner, preferably somewhere dark and with lit candelabra. Believe me, most cruise lines will be way ahead of you on this and you may have to fight off the gypsy violinists who are going from table to table serenading and embarrassing total strangers.

If you are already married or engaged to the ‘beloved object’ a little gift (diamonds? Gold? A new car or boat? 10% of your annual bonus? The serving of divorce papers if you’re bored with this person and would rather chuck them in the Briney?) would be acceptable. And don’t make the fatal mistake of leaving the gift at home, for some ‘beloved objects’ who don’t receive a little gift for Valentine’s Day may decide the next day is Moving Day.

But then there will always be people who will take romance on Valentine’s Day. And anything else that’s going.

These include some of the passengers on cruise holidays who are single, eligible and, to put it bluntly, up for a romantic dalliance. But if you’re on your own on Valentine’s Day at sea you will have to compete with all the other officially eligible single people.

And remember, all the world loves a lover – except the lady’s husband or the husband’s wife.

On most cruise lines, especially Cunard, P&O Cruises, Royal Caribbean, Norwegian Cruise Line, and Costa Cruises, there will be opportunities galore to seek the attention of your new found target, a.k.a. The ‘beloved object’ of your attention.

It should also be said that many a man with money to burn has gotten an attractive woman to start playing with fire. And vice versa.

Years before I got married I fell in love with a beautiful young girl and walked my dog past her house so often, her tree died and she never spoke to me again.

That’s the great thing about cruise ships – there’s no trees. And very few dogs.

Anyway, I hope, in the nicest possible way, that the result of all this intrigue and careful planning results in your ‘beloved object’ saying yes. And then the next time you could even talk about marriage or something even more daunting: a serious relationship.

James Leavey

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Posted in Cruising, Romance