Admit it. You’re a frustrated performer. Every time the fridge door opens and the light comes on you do Sondheim’s: ‘Let Me Entertain You’. And take a bow.

Like the rest of us, you’re still waiting for your talents to be discovered. And you’ve always wanted to star in a Broadway show. You don’t even mind doing Off-Broadway, or Off-Off-Off-Broadway, just as long as the spotlight follows you around on the stage.

You’d also love to take a cruise in the Caribbean.

So now’s your chance to do both.

But you’ve got to be quick for the auditions are well underway for the Tony award-winning Broadway musical, Hairspray, which will debut on Royal Caribbean International’s Oasis of the Seas, one of the largest and most revolutionary cruise ships in the world and due to be launched in December 2009.

The show is exclusively licensed to Royal Caribbean International for three years aboard Oasis of the Seas, with an option for a fourth year. Even if you don’t make the first production when the new ship sets sail from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, stars can still be made overnight – if they work hard to ensure they are in the right place at the right time, i.e. just after they’ve killed off the lead performer.
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Not that Margo Lion, Hairspray’s Tony Award winning producer, would encourage anything but the best behaviour and finest performances from her cast.

“All of us are delighted that Hairspray will set sail on the world’s biggest, boldest and most exciting cruise ship,” she said. “Just like the show’s heroine Tracy Turnblad, Oasis of the Seas will change the world!”

During its near seven year run on Broadway, which came to an end last January, Hairspray won eight Tony Awards, including Best Musical. The show is currently playing in London’s West End.

Set in 1962, Hairspray follows the rise of Tracy Turnblad, “a big girl with big aspirations” who wins a spot on the local TV dance programme and finds herself transformed into an overnight teen sensation.

While the show has been trimmed slightly to fit within the ship’s average 90-minute run time, the hottest, high-energy numbers will remain on the playbill.

Hairspray will be performed three or four times on each of the new ship’s seven-night cruises, ensuring the new cruise ship’s 5,400 passengers have the opportunity to see the show during their cruise.

Meanwhile I’ve just checked out the auditions, online, and may give it go. That’s if I can lose 40 years, 40 pounds of excess weight, and get my energy levels back to the point where I can walk to the nearest pub.

Actually I have worked on several musicals in London’s West End, including the original productions of The Sound of Music, Cabaret, and Fiddler on the Roof. Admittedly I was either showing people to their seats or hauling ropes backstage, but I could be a contender, albeit a late one.

Trouble is I’m not a great dancer – I could never tell which side was winning And I got put off singing years ago when two people told me not to: my doctor, and a musician.

But I’m up for Professor Higgins if My Fair Lady ever takes to the high seas – for Rex Harrison’s songs were written for a man who talked his way through them, rather than sang.

Failing that, maybe I could walk up the gangway backwards wearing a bright dress and humming songs from Hairspray. I’d tell them I’m part of the chorus (or all of it…).

If you see me, don’t forget to applaud. I also give autographs – to anybody who asks.

To the current star of the first seagoing production of Hairspray: Break a leg.

James Leavey

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