You either love pancakes, or you don’t. I have never needed any encouragement to pile a stack of them on my plate, over which I pour a waterfall of maple syrup and cream, and woof it all down, especially on Pancake Day.

Otherwise known as Shrove Tuesday, the last day before Lent, this year’s annual pancake feast will take place on Tuesday 16 February.

As Christians know, Lent is a time of abstinence – for giving things up. That’s why many of them (including me, a lapsed Roman Catholic with occasional sugar cravings) always take this ‘last chance’ to indulge ourselves.

I’ve given up giving up

If anybody asks why I am stuffing my face on Pancake Day I usually explain – between mouthfuls – that I am obligated to use up all the foods in my larder that contain fat, butter and eggs – for these are forbidden during Lent.

I am also supposed to starve myself of cigars and booze and other earthly pleasures, but have never seen the point of it.

Now, chances are that if you’re sailing on a cruise ship on the 16 February not only will pancakes be readily available, but the ship’s captain, especially if he’s British, German, Swedish, Mexican, Dutch or American, will encourage his passengers to take part in a round-the-decks pancake race.

This involves running with a frying pan containing a cooked pancake – in one hand – and stopping to toss it every so often (otherwise you’ll get disqualified) before moving on to the finish.

I once saw a man toss his pancake into the air above his head and catch it in his mouth, like a heron with a fish. He then gulped it down and disappeared to the nearest bar for something to sluice it on its way to his expanding midriff.

If, like me, you’re a serious pancake fan, there are several canal cruises – including Amsterdam, Rotterdam and parts of Scandinavia – where you can eat all the pancakes you like without budging from your chair. Of course, after you’ve eaten all those pancakes, the chair will probably have to be surgically removed from your backside.

There’s something in the air

But I think running round the rolling deck of a cruise ship tossing the object of your culinary desire into the air is the way to go. Just don’t try it with a runny omelette.

Later on, in one of the ship’s bars, you can argue the toss about whether you prefer thin or thick pancakes, covering them with sugar and lemon juice, or savouries, such as caviar, or smoked salmon, crème fraiche and dill (usually heaped on a small pancake a.k.a. a blini).

If you think eating too many pancakes will give you indigestion, wait until you’ve heard this hoary old joke about the English, Scottish and Irish cruise ship passengers discussing the names of their male children.

The Englishman explained that he christened his son George, because the boy was born on St George’s Day.

‘Och,’ said the Scotsman, ‘that reminds me of my son, Andrew, who was born on St Andrew’s Day.’

‘More power to your elbow, the both of you,’ said the Irish passenger. ‘By the way, did I ever tell you about my son, Pancake?’

James Leavey

Posted in Humour