I don’t know about you but if I had several shed-loads of spare money I’d take my friends and family on the cruise of a lifetime.

Got the idea from watching a TV chat show the other day, in which one of the guests said he had been invited by Sir Cliff Richard on the British singer’s memorable 60th birthday cruise around the Med.

Imagine being able to choose the entertainments programme, cabins, food and drink. And hiring a fleet of limos to transport all your favourite people to the dock for a Gala send-off.

The difficult bit would be choosing the right cruise and the most appropriate ship. My friends at Virgin would help, I’m sure.

An ideal choice would be one of the larger luxurious ships, but unless you’ve got thousands of friends and family, it could seem too empty.

Fortunately, I seem to be related to just about everybody in Kosova through my daughter’s excellent husband. And my Irish links are extensive through my mother’s family. Then there’s all the Germans on my father’s side.

And they say friends are the family you choose for yourself. If that’s the case, I’m delighted to inform you that I have a very large family. I know they’re my friends for we share the same enemies.

But there would you stop? Very close friends, close friends, friends, nice neighbours, or friends, nice neighbours and acquaintances?

Over the years I’ve met a lot of good people who could do with a serious break, so if money was no object I think I’d take them too – with their families.

Then there’d be the top entertainers I’d have to invite so that we’d all have the greatest time, ever.

I’d be looking for top comedians, actors, dancers, acrobats, circus entertainers – Cirque de Soleil would be perfect.

Then there’s the friendly gambling in mock casinos, where the chips would be thrown for prizes not real money, otherwise some people may get carried away.

And the world’s top chefs and sommeliers would have to be on board, to provide the finest food and drink money can buy.

Failing all that, I could just book a nice cruise and smile at everybody. And by the end of the cruise I’d have a lot more friends who didn’t cost me any money, aside from the occasional drink.

If I picked the right ship most of my checklist would get ticked off.

And I could add my fellow passengers to my growing list of friends and acquaintances for that Red Letter day when the huge cheque arrives in an armoured car from one of the world’s richest squillionaires who has just read this blog and decided to adopt me.

Of course, if you get the cheque instead of me I won’t mind. I can be your friend too…

James Leavey

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