There’s something surreal about a grown-up non-swimmer splashing around in the shallow end of a cruise ship’s pool while sailing round the world, but it happens all the time.

Which reminds me of a conversation between two very wealthy women, on a year-long world cruise.

‘I understand your husband died in the deep end of the ship’s swimming pool last week and left you £1 billion,’ the first woman said to the other. ‘Is it true he became one of the wealthiest men in the world and yet he never learned to read or write?’

‘Yes,’ said the widow. ‘And he couldn’t swim either.’

I hope this doesn’t give you any murderous ideas. It’s just a story.

But the fact is that most cruise ships have outdoor or indoor swimming pools; some have both. Royal Caribbean’s Oasis of the Seas has six outdoor pools and ten whirlpools.

Look before you dive

But don’t go diving into a swimming pool on a ship without checking first – for it’s usually shallow.

Also, most cruise ship pools are unsupervised, so keep an eye on your loved ones – unless you’re planning to claim the insurance.

Swim your way round the world – on a cruise

Taking of water, water, everywhere and not a drop to put in your favourite tipple reminds me a surreal, allegorical 1968 film, The Swimmer, starring Burt Lancaster.

On a sunny autumn day in an affluent American suburb, Lancaster’s character – an apparently successful, popular, middle-aged, ad-man, dressed only in swimming trunks – decides to swim home via a “river of pools”.

En route he learns he is not as popular or successful as he originally thought. By the time he gets home, disillusioned, his house is empty and shut up.

I’m not suggesting this could happen to you but I like the idea of swimming your way around the world via the pool/s on a cruise ship.

A day on the water in Dubai

Even better, you could stop off a cruise ship at Dubai, and spend a day at the Wild Wadi Waterpark, which is designed around a tale from Arabian folklore featuring Juha and his seafaring friend, Sinbad.

Thirteen of the Wild Wadi’s 30 exciting attractions are inter-connected, allowing thrill seekers of all ages to experience one adrenaline rush after another without ever leaving the water.

Or you could be a day visitor at Atlantis, The Palm, whose 46 hectare site includes 17 hectares of water themed amusement at Aquaventure.

Dive into a 2011 cruise

Possibly the ultimate on-board water feature is the one planned for Disney Cruise Line’s new ship, Disney Dream, which will be launched in January 2011: the world’s first shipboard water coaster – AquaDuck.

This will sweep passengers on an exhilarating high-speed flume ride featuring twists, turns, drops, uphill acceleration and river rapids – all while traversing the upper decks of the 2,500 passenger 14-deck ship.

Nearby, shaded for protection from the sun and featuring a soft wet-deck surface, Disney Dreams’ 1,500-square-foot Nemo’s Reef will be a place for children to cool off and play among colourful, interactive figures that move and spray water.

Parents will be relieved to hear that reserved exclusively for passengers 18 and above is the ship’s Quiet Cove Pool and Cove Bar.

This will be a much-needed retreat for adults to sunbathe and swim, and dog-paddle up to the Cove Bar to wet their whistle.

Then they can blow it for a refill and get as wet inside as they are outside.

It all sounds good to me: a splash that’s bound to be a smash.

James Leavey

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