Not everybody fits the usual cruise ship passenger stereotype, i.e. oldish to doddery, middle to upper class, white haired or none at all.
There are also some passengers who can be very picky about the types (of persons) they prefer to share a cruise with.
And that’s just the passengers over 60.
Coming, as I do, from a low income single parent family – who made up for their lack of money with the love and support they gave me – I tend to empathise with the lower orders rather than the so-called top echelons of cruise ship, or any other, society.
I admit it’s a sad form of inverted snobbery, but I can’t help it. That said, I have many friends who are extremely wealthy and come from fine old families that have been quietly running things for centuries…but I have never held it against them.
I also have a little daydream (it would be more of a nightmare for others) of joining a group of British chavs and chavettes (a.k.a. slightly aggressive, tasteless, but not necessarily poor young persons) for a cruise holiday, preferably one that comes with first class valet service on, say, one of Cunard’s Queen’s.
Imagine the look on the snobs’ faces when Shannon, Britney, Kylie, Jade, and Cherise bounce up the gangplank from Chatham, or thereabouts.
Followed by Darren, Wayne, Ryan, Jason, and Dave, dragging their Burberry-gloved knuckles over the deck. And Maurice Chavalier, the French version, beaming like a sunlamp in a hair salon in Peckham.
‘Ere, Shan,’ says Wayne, ‘drekkun this will be an eyebrow crooz?’
‘Yeah,’ says Shannon, ‘but we’ll have a grate olladay amd give it large. I don’t mind dolin’ the dosh cos I won a million on the lotree.
‘And Dave’s sorted since he landed a job as a bannsa at ‘Arrods. Before that he was an evvy in ‘Ollywood.’
‘Don’t tell Jordan,’ says Wayne, ‘she’d ave an art attack. She was on the reband from Ryan, a padda puff who worked for the National Elf Service in saff London. She thought Dave was more dan to urf, but skint.’
Britney skips up, with a tray of booze. ‘My bruvver’s on the ship and he’s bought us a rand of drinks,’ she says. ‘He cleens the assa Parliament and a caff in Cambridge.’
‘Brit, I musta arst ya free fazzund times to clear up the tray before you ‘and it round,’ says Tracey. ‘There’s slops slippin’ and sliddin’ all over me two-piece.’
‘Oi, Wayne, be pacific. Ooja fancy most, me or Jade?
‘Both.’
‘Ow about Cunard or Royal Caribbean?’
‘Both.’
‘Wot doyacall a chav in a cabin?’
‘Innit.’
‘Wot doyacall a chav in a filing cabinet, or having a good time on a crooz?’
‘Sorted.’
Nice one.
17 Comments
Jul 09 2010
9:47
Nice ‘un James – Got ‘em down to a T. But on land it’s definitely “VIVA ESPAÑA” for Sunday night. Well if Rafa managed to pull off Wimbledon then I think our chaps from Spain deserve a world cup to play with for the next four years!!
Have a brill weekend
Jul 09 2010
9:51
Thanks, Jenny. I’m rootin’ for Espana!
Jul 09 2010
10:07
Spain, definitely for me too!!! I remember things being similiar in Euro 2008 when everybody thought Italy and Germany would both hammer Spain in the respective last stage matches and Spain triumphed! I hope they can do it again!
On a more serious note, even though the fact that cruising is opening up to a much bigger market these days, there are plenty of ‘regular, traditional cruisers’ who are turning their nose up at certain passengers now frequenting the ships. Could it be true that Ventura has turned in Chav Central? Possibly during July and August, but then surely any seasoned cruiser wouldn’t travel during these ‘peak’ times…
Jul 09 2010
11:11
Hi James C,
Thanks for your supportfor my adopted country on the futtie stakes.
I have just clicked on to Ventura and squeamed at it. Sorry ain’t my style of travel. Did a Brittany Feries some years ago from Santander to Plymouth and with the exception of the “gal” who was travelling with me and puked up throughout the journey and spent the next 10 days in Blighty thinking about the return I loved it. Fortunately, I swwet-talked the captain on the way out to ensure I was given a seperate cabin on the way back but met loads of really nice people from all walks of life.
Since 9/11 the fun has gone out of flying. Give me boats, ships and trains (the latter especially on the continent)
Jul 09 2010
14:09
I’m now certain that Spain will win, for Paul, the psychic octopus in Oberhausen Zoo in Germany (of all places, you could understand if it was a zoo in Madrid) has predicted it. And he’s got a great track record. Let’s hope they release Paul into the Med and then cruise ship passengers can look for him, over the side of their liner, and drop country flags etc with questions about future football matches. But what would happen if Paul is wrong? Would a Spanish chef kidnap him and serve him up in a paella?
Jul 09 2010
18:33
BBC South have just announced that Paul was originally in Weymouth Zoo before he moved to Germany. They’ve (really!) been to see Paul’s former female sidekick, Lucy, who still resides in Weymouth and asked her to predict the winner of next Sunday’s World Cup Final – and she chose Spain. Unfortunately (really!) the third octopus at the British zoo, Winston, ignored everybody and refused to comment. We think he’s a cricket fan. By the by, is there a psychic bond between Paul in Germany and Lucy in England? Creepy. Time to play The Twilight Zone theme and taker a cruise…
Jul 10 2010
10:01
Well good as ever! Thanks for the insight into the finer points of cruise etiquette. As to the football, I shall be so glad after Sunday that, whatever the outcome, there will no need to stifle the urge to empty ‘liquid’ out of my window and down the trumpet of the single vuvuzela in Cowes High Street……..
Jul 10 2010
10:35
Nah James. If Paul the P.O. trips over one of his tentacles and gets it wrong, after the Spaniards and beaten their breasts and sobbed, they won’t touch him as he resides is one of their favourite countries (well since last Wednesday). And what with Nadal being Top Dog at Tennis, IF (shudder the thought ) that the ex-Spanish colony (because parts of Holland did once belong to Spain) does win, then the Spaniards will revert to the fact that it’s the first time they have reached a World Cup final and that , in itself, is an achievement
And yep prob. is some sort of bond between P and L – tentacles stretching over the channel and through France , etc.
Still not sure whether to watch the game or hgo to bed and sleep because I know my stomach will be churning over right until that last whistle. And if Spain wins I won’t get any sleep that evening because everybody will do an all night celebration as they did on Wednesday night – Some were still on the razz when I went to work at 8 the folllowing morning.
Jul 12 2010
10:15
Paul the octopus seer was right. And the frying pans are no longer being warmed up in Spain. So what could we ask Paul to predict next? The most popular sea cruise of 2010?
Jul 12 2010
11:14
I read somewhere that England’s next match is a friendly against Iceland. If they win that, they’ll play either Tesco or Sainsbury.
Jul 12 2010
12:25
Yep, and I said he is considered a bloody hero in this part of the world where the party continues. The “low Countries” as opposed to “Holland” or “The Netherlands” as most people know the place are continuing to be “low” by critising the ref. (who was English) – Nowe the Emglish did fight the Dutch at one stage but had a better victory over the Spanish Armada so think that would swing more in the “Low countries” favour but, not good losrs.
BTW – note my last psot is still under moderation even before the match was played – Was I PC incorect or sumfink?
Jul 13 2010
13:45
Hi Milton – So that’s why Paul the Octopus is retiring!!! Thought that there was more to it than meets teh eye when I read the Beeb report!!! I mean who could predict a result against Tessie or Sainie?
Jul 15 2010
10:38
Brilliant James, I even found myself reading it with a chav accent and Im from Norn Ireland – you can imagine what that sounded like!
James, as there are a lot of sporting comments, what about the Best and Worst sporting moments (or any physical activity) on board the Cruises – I’m sure you’ve seen a few.
Jul 15 2010
18:44
Thanks Brian. I’m trying to picture you reading my blog in a Northern Ireland chav accent. It’s mind-blowing! By the way, well done to Londonderry (a.k.a.Derry) getting voted as the UK’s inaugural City of Cutrure.Mind you, if Belfast had entered there would have been no chance. Meanwhile, best and worst sporting moments on a cruise ship – I’ll think about that one and use it for a future blog. Happy Days!!
Jul 16 2010
8:40
Tesco would win Jenny because they use a lot of foreign players from those cutprice German supermarkets. Apparently the Tesco team motto is: “Every Lidl helps.”
Jul 16 2010
15:34
Right on Milton – Let me know if England does beat Iceland because that lot have the “Eyeful” (volcano ) up their sleeve as a sub. Don’t think Wayne or Dave B could beat that
By the way everybody – Party in Madrid stopped Tuesday or Wednesday but it was a long one cos it started after Spain beat germany. great to see that Paul has retired – will get no hassle now although from what I hear huge bids were being made for his services and most expensive dish at teh mo in Spain is, of coure, Octopus – Eat it and you could become the next “seer”
Jul 23 2010
7:35
Well James your dream came true, we went on the Grand Princess for our 25th Anniv, our first cruise and it was wall to wall Chavs, towels on sunbeds (even though they had gone ashore) 24 hour boozing and scoffing. Trouble is, the rest of the passengers (with a few big exceptions) were not snobs, they just wanted a relaxing holiday and had worked hard to earn the cash to pay for the criuse and what they got was a disgusting slob fest. Chavs earn their reputation and being an inconsiderate tosser is nothing to be proud of.