I don’t know what it is about being on holiday that seems to encourage many otherwise perfectly sensible tourists to bring back a suitcase of overpriced rubbish…
Much of it stuff they wouldn’t even bother to look at normally and which will end up in a car boot sale.
But if you like what you see and can afford it, by all means buy it. However, if it claims to be an original work of art I suggest you step back and think it over.
If you’re so bored you are happy to throw money away, throw it at me. Even better, why not use your time on the cruise ship to create your own work of art.
Got 15 years, £15,000 and 4,075,000 matchsticks to hand? Then you too could create a replica of a North Sea oil platform, following in the sticky hand-prints of retired British oil rig worker, David Reynolds, 51, who painstakingly put together a model that weighs one tonne and is 12ft high and 21ft long. It’s been officially recognised by Guinness World Records as the world’s biggest matchstick model.
Just don’t waste time making a replica of the Titanic, that’s been done already – by someone using 3.5 million matchsticks.
Or you could create a live artistic ‘happening’ on your ship similar to the 100 days of continuous occupation of a statue’s plinth in London’s Trafalgar Square – an event which recently ended. Of the 35,000 British extroverts who applied to occupy the plinth for 60 minutes, 2,400 were chosen.
May I suggest a similar scheme for your cruise ship and that every passenger on board be given fifteen minutes of fame on the plinth.
But what would they do? No more than usual.
Most passengers would lounge on a deckchair and order their favourite bevvy while reading a book or magazine, or doing a crossword…
Others would completely disrobe (not that they are allowed to do this on most cruise ships) to get an all-over tan – and display their wares to someone they fancy.
Would-be comedians would tell a few jokes; amateur (and professional) actors and actresses would perform dramatic and comedic soliloquys. Painters would paint, photographers would point their camera at the audience, and art auctioneers would try to sell you something that’s not as original as they make out.
You could also invite the Captain to take some time off from running the ship so that he could strip naked, paint himself blue, and do impressions of King Neptune (with seaweed for hair topped by a cardboard crown) while wiggling his trident.
For art is in the eye of the beholder, and nowadays anything goes.
Me? I’d just stand there and watch you watching me. That’s art, isn’t it? If you like what you see you can buy me for a used fiver or a conch shell – but most of you already know that.
8 Comments
Oct 23 2009
12:20
On a cruise ship, I’ve turned people watching into an art form. You have to watch someone for long enough to allow your imagination to conger up where they are from, what they do for a living, what that are chatting about etc without making eye contact or getting caught staring.
I find this activity to be great fun at the buffet bar as you really get a broad section of people. Take note, however, that this should not be tried at the poolside. For some reason, young women (and men) get a little put out when you stare at them with a slightly manic expression.
This brings me onto another activity I have perfected into an art form over the years; making a swift exit and avoiding being recognized as ‘that weirdo’ for the rest of the cruise.
Oct 23 2009
16:13
So , Sean, you’re the weirdo who keeps running off! Actually you’re right, there is a real art to watching people on a cruise ship without making them aware that it’s happening. And it can get very embarrassing if you’re caught out for you will have to try to avoid them for the rest of the cruise. Just don’t lick your lips, roll your eyes, play with parts of your anatomy (or anyone else’s), jingle or toss coins, open your wallet and show them how much dough you’ve got, look too excited or very angry, or breathe heavily while muttering to yourself – for that way leads to stalking.
Oct 23 2009
16:36
Actually I prefer “earwigging” which can be easily done if you’re not deaf and can be very useful for teh future
Oct 23 2009
17:16
My Dad was what I call a true art lover. He collected both kinds: Art Deco and Art Garfunkel.
Oct 24 2009
11:57
Milton – Can I quote that – What a beaut!
Oct 26 2009
11:49
Glad you liked it Jenny. I do my best.
Oct 28 2009
2:37
Something for art loving cruise ship passengers to look forward to: Oasis of the Seas has just announced it will be blending spectacular art with its revolutionary design – with over 9,000 pieces of art Oasis will have one of the largest art collections at sea. If you’d like a sneak preview check out http://www.OasisoftheSeas.com
Oct 28 2009
17:59
@James
Wow, thank you for the link James. I didn’t expect Oasis of The Sea could be like that. I thought it was just the same cruise ship as the others.
She’s excellent!