Signed the pre-nuptial agreement?

Thinking of getting hitched at sea?

Then maybe you should read this before you say, ‘I do.’

A lot of couples dream of getting married by the captain on a cruise ship.

Unfortunately, British law currently forbids weddings on UK-based ships except by a notary or religious minister.

Do you take this cruise ship…

So it’s not surprising that Cunard is considering moving the registration of one or all of its cruise ships from the UK for the first time in its 171-year history, to get a slice of the nautical wedding cake market.

I just wonder why they have taken so long to get round to it.

Just think of all those poor unwed couples, cruising in sin.

Oddly enough, Oscar Wilde held the view (sort of) that there was no reason for an engaged pair to put off their wedding day.

‘Damn it, it’s your duty to get married,’ said Wilde. ‘You can’t be always living for pleasure.’

…for your awful married life?

If you do decide to get hitched on a ship (you mad fools), most cruise lines will be delighted to be of service.

It’s best to wait for several days at sea until you take your vows.. If the marriage doesn’t work out at least you haven’t ruined the whole cruise.

By the way, divorce is now so common, women have stopped crying at weddings.

Maybe ships should also offer ‘Split Asunder’ cruises with the wedding cake chopped down the middle by an axe.

Talking of battle-axes, I knew a woman who was married fifteen times. She didn’t like men, but she loved cruises. The last time she walked down the aisle on a ship she held the groom’s arm. She knew the way better than him or the captain.

Apparently her first marriage service choir was conducted by shotgun. It was a small wedding party: just her parents, his parents, and the ship’s midwife.

Not long afterwards, her husband (number 13) said, ‘It was a beautiful day on deck and we looked like the new home we were about to move into, after the cruise. She was freshly painted; I was plastered.’

You can’t say I didn’t warn you.

James Leavey

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Posted in Humour