I recently received this in an email from a certain resident of the Isle of Wight who shall remain nameless.

He assured me that it is 100% authentic and true, although this is from a man who can currently be found wondering the streets of Cowes in flippers and a snorkel…

DEAR DIARY. DAY ONE

I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship.

I’ve packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I’m
really excited.

______________________________

DEAR DIARY. DAY TWO

We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and
we saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful
vacation this has started to be.

I met Captain Kenny today and he seems like a very nice man.
_______________________

DEAR DIARY. DAY THREE

I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some
shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off the deck.

The Captain invited me to join him at his table for
dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time.

He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman.
__________________

DEAR DIARY. DAY FOUR

Went to the ship’s casino …. did OK …. won about
$80.

The Captain invited me to have the dinner with him in
his state room. We had a luxurious meal complete with
caviar and champagne.

He asked me to stay the night but I declined. I told
him there was no way I could, I hardly knew him.
____________________

DEAR DIARY. DAY FIVE

Went back to the pool today and got a little
sunburned. I decided to go to the piano bar and spend
the rest of the day inside.

The Captain saw me and bought me a couple of drinks.
He really is a charming gentleman. He again asked me
to visit him for the night and again I declined. He
told me that if I didn’t let him have his way with me
he would sink the ship.

I was appalled.
_______________

DEAR DIARY. DAY SIX

I saved 1600 lives today.

Twice

Posted in Humour