The story so far. Cinderella and Buttons have been transported to the
See Cinderella and the Magic Cruise Ship.
Scene 2: A luxurious stateroom on board Oasis of the Seas.
BUTTONS: Blimey! What happened?
CINDERELLA: My Fairy Codfather transported us here until midnight on Christmas Day, all expenses paid. Your cabin should be next door.
BUTTONS: Cinders, I wouldn’t dream…
CINDERELLA: That’s alright, Buttons. I love you too – as a brother. Oh look, according to that digital calendar over there it’s already Christmas Day!
BUTTONS: That’s a week gone by in a flash. Magic!
CINDERELLA: And as it’s Christmas I’ll give you a kiss (Buttons closes his eyes and puckers up) on your cheek. Thank you for being such a good friend.
BUTTONS: That’s alright, Cinders. I’ll always be there for you, no matter what. And so will all your other friends at Virgin Holidays Cruises.
Knock on door, which then opens. PERCY THE PERSONAL BUTLER enters and bows: Season’s Greetings, Madam, Sir. May I remind you that the ship’s Christmas Ball will start in half an hour.
CINDERELLA: Oh thank you and Happy Christmas. (Percy exits). I’d better get changed. By the way, Buttons, my Fairy Codfather told me to click my heels before midnight so we can return home, or else something bad could happen. See you in 29 minutes and 59 seconds.
Scene 3: The ship’s grand ballroom with stairs sweeping down to it. A host of passengers in black tie/ballroom gowns is watching the three ugly-step-persons attempting to trip the light fantastic with three very reluctant male partners.
THE THREE UGLY STEP-PERSONS: ‘ere, watch out for our bunions you clumsy oafs! You’ll never get to accompany us on Strictly Come Dancing…
THE THREE RELUCTANT DANCE PARTNERS: Bruce Forsyth wouldn’t have you in the audience never mind on the dance floor.. And as for X-Factor, judging by the horrible din you made at the ship’s Carol Concert you should all be X-Rated!
They exit up the stairs at the top of which Cinderella and Buttons appear. Then we hear the sound of Dr Who’s TARDIS and David Tennant, as the Doctor, arrives in a cloud of smoke.
DR WHO: Hallo Buttons, I don’t suppose you fancy a job taking over as Dr Who? It’s my last day, today.
BUTTONS: Sorry, Doctor, I’m very happy working for Virgin Holidays Cruises but thanks for asking. By the way, I loved that episode you did on a Space Cruise Ship.
DR WHO: I got the idea from Virgin Galactic. By the way (looks round, carefully) Knock, Knock.
CINDERELLA AND BUTTONS: Who’s there?
DR WHO: Aladdin.
CINDERS AND BUTTONS: Aladdin who?
DR WHO: A-lad-in-Swindon. Bye, bye everyone. Merry Christmas.
Dr Who exits in a puff of smoke and we hear the sound of the TARDIS departing.
Cinderella and Buttons gracefully walk down the stairs to the ballroom where everything has stopped – all eyes are on them. Then the ship’s First Officer, John Handsome, who is also tall and dark, walks across the ballroom and holds out his hand to Cinderella.
HANDSOME: Good evening. May I have this first dance with you?
CINDERELLA (Nods): But we haven’t been introduced…Mr…?
HANDSOME: First Officer John Handsome, at your service. If you would care to join me for a dance I’m sure we would make a handsome couple…
CINDERELLA: (laughs and takes his hand). Thank you.
They dance to ‘The Christmas Song’. Everybody else is dancing except the three ugly step-persons who are now wallflowers and green with envy.
THE THREE UGLY STEP-PERSONS IN UNISON: ‘Ere, I fancied him! (they look at each other). And you did too! You’re bitches. And whoever she is, she’s Lady Muck.
A clock on the wall shows it is one minute to midnight. Staggering down the stairs is Wicked Captain Haddock, who is standing in for the ship’s regular captain, and has obviously been diving into the Christmas Punch.
WICKED CAPTAIN HADDOCK: Fill your glasses, ladies and gentlemen, but not too much, for a Christmas toast. Hic!
Buttons rushes over the Cinderella who has stopped dancing and is holding Handsome’s hand while they gaze into each other’s eyes.
BUTTONS: Cinders! Quick. Click your heels before the magic wears off!
CINDERELLA: What was that? Oh it’s you, Buttons…
The clock strikes midnight and Flash! Bang! Wallop! Cinderella and Buttons are now wearing their ordinary clothes.
WICKED CAPTAIN HADDOCK: Stowaways! Clap them in irons!!
JOHN HANDSOME: Not while I stand here, Captain. You’re mad, mean, miserable and pis…pie-eyed and I am relieving you of your duty as Captain. Haddock, you’ve had your chips. Off to the brig with him!
Two crew members lead ex-Captain Haddock away.
JOHN HANDSOME: My mother always told me that Handsome is as Handsome does. And you’ll do for me, Cinderella. (He kneels in front of Cinderella and takes her right hand in his). Please marry me and make me the happiest man afloat.
CINDERELLA: I will! (they kiss)
CAST AND BLOG-READERS: Ahhhh! Lovely!
All the children watching this – grimace and throw up. Meanwhile an attractive redhead grabs Buttons.
REDHEAD: I’d love to polish your buttons, handsome. Now give us a kiss!
THE THREE UGLY STEP-PERSONS: Bah! Humbug!
They try to throw themselves out of three portholes, stage right, but get stuck.
Flash! Bang! Wallop! The Fairy Codfather arrives, dressed in a gorgeous ballroom and crown, without the fishtail. Cinders and Buttons are again regally attired.
FAIRY CODFATHER: Give those three ugly trouts a pillow and a push – they can sleep with the fishes. Well, everybody, all’s well that ends well all, so may I wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas! Ta-ra!
The entire cast sings ‘White Christmas’.
Snows falls.
The Curtain comes down
And out from behind it steps SANTA CLAUS: Merry Christmas, everyone. And may your cruise be as magical as the one Cinderella and John Handsome sail off in for their honeymoon.
Fadeout to the sound of Jingle Bells.
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