Scientists at Vanderbilt University in Nashville have developed a mind-reading scan that lets them predict what someone is thinking.
It’s a poker player’s dream. What a shame I’m crap at cards.
Such a scan would also be handy if you were asking a politician or a financier what the hell is going on with the world’s economy. But I think those people just do it by instinct.
However, as I do like the occasional flutter in a cruise ship’s casino, my mind is whirling with the possibilities of a portable version of a scan that enables you to read minds. While I wouldn’t just take a cruise to gamble, playing elegant games of chance (especially roulette and blackjack) at sea somehow makes me feel all grown up, just like James Bond.
Unlike Bond I usually play for the fun of it and decide in advance exactly how much I am prepared to lose. And as most cruise ships seem to have casinos with gaming tables and slot machines you’ve got plenty of opportunities to offload all or part of your wealth.
But whether you’re in Vegas or on board the Oriana it’s worth remembering that in all casinos the dice is loaded against the gambler. When I’m in a casino I concentrate on just how long I can hang on to my money before the croupier cleans me out. Most times I walk out and still have the shirt on my back.
Other times I consider swimming for the nearest shore.
For gambling is a great way of getting nothing for something.
I have a very understanding wife but she does like to eat regularly. She is forever reminding me of my Uncle Bill whose gambling resulted in bringing his family closer together: he lost their house in a crap game and they had to move into one room.
Another of my uncles loved animals. He gave half of his money to the horses, usually via the nearest bookie.
One of my dottier aunts loved making mental bets. Until she lost her mind.
And her son once told me how he hated to win the jackpot on a slot machine in a casino because it takes so long to put the money back in.
There’s nothing new about such mad desperate fools, or gambling at sea. The same can be said for the card cheats and misguided optimists who think they can beat the system, especially after watching movies like Ocean’s Eleven and Ocean’s Twelve.
Most gamblers know that in Vegas and other well known land-based casinos the management uses discreet cameras to observe their punters, and check anybody who seems to be on a winning streak against a shared blacklist of what they consider to be gambling fraudsters.
One of my dodgier friends recently suggested that maybe the security in the casinos on board cruise ships is not as thorough as that in land-based casinos.
“That’s a nice idea,” I told him, “rather like having a mind-reading scanner that helps you win a game of chance. But knowing cruise lines, I wouldn’t bet on it.”
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2 Comments
Feb 27 2009
11:25
I don’t care what the cruise companies say, you’re never safe at sea.
My gran was killed on a boat trip, just sunbathing on the deck. No one had told her it was an aircraft carrier.
Mar 22 2009
17:22
Milton, I think it’s time you wrote a sitcom for your one liners are brilliant. By the way, did you hear about the two friends at the poker table on the QE2 and one of them asked the other, “How would you have played that hand?” His friend replied, “Under an assumed name.”