I was bored and at a loose end the other day, what with the post-Christmas blues and the raging blizzard that had gripped most of the UK in a seemingly endless icy embrace.
So I borrowed a Virgin Atlantic-sponsored sledge and a team of Isle of Wight huskies, which dragged me over the frozen Solent up to the offices of Virgin Holidays Cruises.
At least the exercise kept me warm, and the fuel bills down. My wife stayed home and curled up with the cat.
In an airy igloo just outside Swindon I found my friends and colleagues beavering away like Norse heroes.
They were dressed as fully-garbed Vikings, cleaning the blood off their swords and sharpening spears and axes. Every now and then they linked arms and quaffed aquavit from horn-shaped goblets (50p from the drinks machine).
Then they’d emit blood-curdling oaths, such as “Odin! It’s a wrong number!” and “This is Virgin Holidays Cruises, By Jiminy!”
And that was just the women.
Taking a Leif from a book (the Berlitz Complete Guide to Cruising & Cruise Ships 2010, which he was idly flicking through, between calls), I asked the bloodthirsty Viking with the headphones what was going on.
‘Well, it’s like this, Leaveyson, “he said, in a sing-song voice, “a thousand years ago Norsemen from Norway raided and colonised lands north and west and sailed most of the North Atlantic.
“Then they calmed down until 1966, when three Norwegian shipping companies founded what was eventually to become Norwegian Cruise Line.
“NCL will be launching a new ship, Norwegian Epic, in July, and there are lots of good deals available for our customers.”
I asked Leif if Virgin had adopted the traditional Viking method of attracting passengers, ie arriving in a long ship in the early hours of the morning, setting fire to their homes, killing anybody who got in the way and throwing the person you fancied over your shoulder while high-tailing it back to the dragon ship.
“Not really, Leaveyson,” Leif answered, with a sigh. “We just make them a a great offer they cannot refuse, wait for their call and sign them up.
“But we are now looking at taking bookings from individuals, which is a new concept that has just been announced by NCL to make cruising more attractive to solo travellers on the company’s largest and most exciting Freestyle Cruising ship to date, Norwegian Epic.”
Norwegian Epic’s Studios are the first staterooms designed and priced for single occupancy. These specially designed and priced Studio staterooms available on all of Norwegian Epic’s sailings – with no single supplement – go on sale on 18 January 2010.
The Studios are a private key-card access complex on two decks consisting of 128 staterooms and the Studio Lounge. Each Studio stateroom, approximately 100 square feet of living space, features a contemporary design with a full-size bed and separate areas for the bathroom, sink and shower.
Guests in the Studios have private access to the exclusive Studio Lounge, where they can grab a cup of coffee in the morning, meet up with fellow cruisers and plan their day or relax with a drink in the evening.
“In addition to world-class entertainment, the 4,200-passenger Norwegian Epic incorporates many innovations,” said Leif, “including several new types of accommodations – the curved New Wave staterooms; the largest Villas suite complex at sea, comprising 60 suites and villas on two private decks at the top of the ship; and spa and family-friendly accommodations.”
I wondered aloud if the Vikings had added a bit of pillaging and axe-throwing to the on-board entertainment.
“No,” said Leif. “And the guests also won’t be chained to the oars.”
Epic Cruise
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7 Comments
Jan 15 2010
16:14
James I think my wife must work there – she sometimes, in fact often, has a blood cuddling cry and can be seen in the kitchen behaving strangely as she sharpens the knives.
So I’ll definately risk it on the cruise, it sounds brilliant!! One way single ticket please Odin.
Jan 15 2010
16:16
Being considered the expert in Norwegian “viking” in Spain (well around the Fjord area), I can assure you that time has melted their raping and pillaging although they can still drink you under the table and be up at the crack of dawn the next day without a hangover. But they must have the dosh as a small beer costs 9 Euros (which nore or less is 9 quid). However, the Fjords do have a number of compensations and I can highly recommend them!
Jan 15 2010
18:54
Cruising sounds a lot more interesting with you writing about it.. I like the sound of the axe throwing I could name a few!
Jan 17 2010
13:12
Whenever I read articles like this about people sailing across the sea I always think of Rod Stewart and that classic song of his, “Do ya think I’m sexy”
Jan 18 2010
10:52
Milton, did you by any chance fall off the dragon ship during a spot of oar-running? Not that it matters for I always find your comments interesting – and funny. If I was a viking chief (like one-eyed Kirk Douglas in the film, The Vikings, in which he co-starred with Tony Curtis, Ernest Borgnine and Janet Leigh) I’d set you on my enemies, for they would die laughing.
Jan 18 2010
10:53
And my thanks and best wishes to Brian, Jenny and Linda. Glad that you are all still onboard.
Jan 18 2010
22:11
Tell Milton that the first prize for his joke this week is a Fjord Focus