A dying billionaire summoned his three sons to his hospital bed. “My sons,” he said, “if you want to inherit your share of my fortune you must do something for me.”

The young men were all ears. “I want you to sail to a distant land and find a sexy, foreign bride,” said their father. “But you must be quick. The doc tells me I’ve only weeks to live.”

The old man continued. “Before I die I want to see you all happily married. But remember, we don’t do divorce in this family, so your new bride must be someone you can spend the rest of your life with.

“If I think the relationship has no future, I’ll cut you out of my will.”

Dire straits

Outside the hospital the young men stood for a few moments in stunned silence.

Eventually the oldest spoke. “We’ve no choice,” he said. “Given that we’re all in dire financial straits, we’ll have to do this.”

So each of them went off to book a cruise.

A problem

It turned out the youngest son had a big problem with his father’s request. He was still playing the field and had no intention of getting married just yet.

His only option was to fake it. He would find a lady from a distant land who could pretend to be his bride and hopefully his father would never find out.

With this in mind he booked a 14 night Caribbean stay and cruise package, almost identical to this cruise on the Serenade of the Seas. With seven days in San Juan and visits to St Thomas, St Kitts and Aruba, the young man felt sure there’d be enough time for him to locate a fake but sexy, foreign bride.

Another problem

As it happened the middle son also had a big problem with his father’s request. He was already secretly married to a lady who he regarded as the love of his life.

There was nothing for it. He would have to get a quickie divorce and start wife-hunting all over again, but overseas.

With this in mind he booked a 10 night Mediterranean stay and cruise package, not unlike this cruise on the Grandeur of the Seas. With three days in Majorca, plus stops in Barcelona, Ibiza and Malaga, he felt sure he would find his ideal other half.

Yet another problem

It transpired that the oldest son also had a big problem with his father’s request.
He was gay.

Tempting though it might be to set up a marriage of convenience, he had no desire to do so. His father, he felt sure, was broad-minded and would accept that the term ‘bride’ was open to interpretation.

The oldest son therefore decided he would find himself a same-sex civil partner from abroad.

So he set about booking a nine day cruise from Boston, Massachusetts, which was uncannily similar to this cruise on Norwegian Dawn. Besides visiting the USA he’d also get to spend a few days in Bermuda.

Meet the brides

Some weeks passed and the sons finally returned to the UK with their new partners. They quickly arranged a visit to their father.

First to speak was the youngest son. “Father,” he said, “I’d like you to meet my new bride, Constance. She’s an ex-nun from the Caribbean. As you can tell from her name she’s a woman who’ll be constant in her devotion to me and I will be constantly devoted to her.”

The old man shook his head. “I can tell you’re lying,” he said. You’re not even married to this woman. Get out of my sight.”

Always faithful

Next up was the middle son. “Father,” he said, “I’d like you to meet my new bride, Siempre Fiel. Her name means ‘always faithful’ in Spanish. She’s a marriage guidance counsellor and the first true love of my life from whom I will never stray.”

Again the old man shook his head.

“You liar,” he said. “I happen to know that until recently you were married to another woman whom you also claimed to be the love of your life. Be gone from here.”

Partner for life

Finally his gay son stepped forward. “Father,” he said, “I want you to meet my new partner for life, Randy. He works in a zoo looking after the tigers.”

“Could you really spend the rest of your life with this man?” asked his father.

“Of course,” said the son. “He’s a keeper.”

Bruce Beckett

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